Sunday, Bloody Sunday

So, Jeff will be deploying on Sunday. I knew this might be coming, but you're never emotionally prepared for it. I know he's going to be fine, but still can't help worrying. I mean, he's going to Iraq... not exactly a "safe" zone, although I guess Afghanistan would be worse. He'll be gone for four long months. He'll miss Christmas, but at least Alec's too young to remember.  We'll just celebrate when he gets back.

I know this will be hard on him.  He is going to miss Alec SO much, and Alec's going to miss his daddy too.  I'm going to miss him. He's such a great father.  He loves Alec more than I could have thought possible. He's protective, not just of his safety, but of his emotional needs, too.

He takes care of things.  I know that sounds simple, but it means so much.  He takes out the trash without being asked.  He changes the Diaper Genie so that I don't have to think about it.  He does the dishes at night while I put Alec to sleep. He kisses us goodbye in the morning when he thinks we're asleep. When he goes to the grocery store he always gets me a little treat. I know that sounds silly, but do you know how important it is to have a man think about your chocolate needs?

It's much more than what he *does* that makes this so hard. He is my emotional safe place. It's hard to really put into words, but Jeff grounds me.  He always calmly listens to my newest passions or woes, and laughs (but not in a mean way) at my latest antics.  He always asks me how my day was and he really cares.  He doesn't ever patronize me. We laugh together, even over the silliest things. When we argue (full disclosure: He doesn't really argue with me.  I just bitch a lot and he listens.) we still find a way to laugh.  There is a song by Sarah McLachlan called Push that kind of sums it up.

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land
[CHORUS:]
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go
[CHORUS]

Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me
There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day
[CHORUS]


Fuck. It's going to be so hard while he's gone... Is it January yet?