As a mother myself, the notion of wanting my child to fail is unfathomable. She did, though: want me to fail. She wanted me kicked out of my home, destitute, with nobody, specifically family, willing to help me. She wanted me to lose custody of my son. Not only did she want my marriage to fail, but she wanted Jeff to move on, quickly, telling him she just knew the "right" person was out there for him.
The lengths that she was willing to go to accomplish her goals was staggering. Contacted 2 of my friends that I'd had a falling out with, I assume only two because she didn't have other telephone numbers or means of communication, or because I typically DON'T have fallings out with close friends that lead to their dismissal in my life, and (according to one, as we've since made up), begged them to write character assassination letters that she could provide to the courts as a way for me to lose custody. She asked for anything that could make me look bad, partying, drugs, time spent on the phone, you name it. I can count on one hand the times I'd "partied" with that friend over the 20 year course of our friendship, although certainly there were a few times that we had too much wine. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not a drug addict. She's patently aware of that, and there was no basis for her request. She just wanted me to lose custody.
From what Jeff tells me, she would make the daily 0.6 mile walk from the home where I finished my teen years over to Jeff's mom's house, where he was temporarily staying, bang on the door until he came outside, so that she could criticize me. He wanted to be left alone. He needed clarity. It was during this time that she not only encouraged him to push for sole custody, but ALSO encouraged him to go "over the road" as a driver. He said he'd never see Alec. Ahe quipped that she would help. How generous of her.
Eventually, I assume she felt that her plans to have me fail weren't rolling along in a timely fashion, mostly because of Jeff's reluctance and his insistence that I'm a good mom. As she'd already been calling my mother-in-law regularly, at work, mind you (she has no boundaries), she called and suggested that since Jeff wasn't interested in taking our son from me, that together they contact CPS and have him removed from us both. For what? Your guess is honestly as good as mine. I don't claim perfection, but I've certainly never done anything that was CPS "worthy" in my entirety of his life.
That was May, 2016. She's not had any contact with the 3 of us, save a few unanswered text messages to Jeff, and award moments where he had the phone thrust upon him and he had to politely find a way to hang up quickly.
What do you think about a mother that wants her child to fail at any cost? There was no build up. No years of being a problematic daughter. No fights. Nothing. She'd clearly been waiting my entire life for the opportunity to arise, so that she could take me down. Consciously? Subconsciously? Does it matter? I don't know.
I do know that I have to remind myself of this story whenever I feel a longing for that mother/daughter bond. It hurts. I miss who I thought she was, and it really doesn't feel good to say that I triumphed over my mother. I did, don't get me wrong. She wanted me to lose everything, and all that I've lost is a self-absorbed, self-centered father, and a manipulative mother that doesn't know the meaning of unconditional love.
It does hurt. It does. I wonder what is so inherently terrible about me that my own mother could reject me. Hopefully one day I'll be able to emotionally get to the place where I am logically: she is sick. Until that time, I'll write my feelings because this is cathartic for me.
Thank you for reading.
