Brrrrrrr and Random Thoughts

I don't like the cold. I guess it's a good thing I live in the South.





Winter always leaves me slightly depressed. I prefer Autumn and Spring. Never been a fan of Winter or Summer. Even though I'm extreme in certain aspects of my life, climate is one thing that I prefer the middle ground.





I'm ready for Spring-cleaning. Ready to purge and start fresh. I'm ready for new beginnings. Ready to compartmentalise my life.











Alec is such a delight. I love being his mother. Today he tried hard-boiled egg for the first time, and promptly threw it up. Ha ha. I tricked him by adding it to his sweet potatoes, and all was good. We spent about an hour playing drums this morning. (Really, it was just an old pot and a wooden spoon, but hey! what does he know?)





It's really hard to put into words how becoming a mother has changed me. Hopefully, it's made me a kinder, gentler, more patient woman. Those aren't exactly traits I'm well known for. Alec has enabled me to be more positive, he has given me hope for all of humanity. I know that as his mother, I am doing the most important job on this planet.

Please take pity on this picture, it was taken when Alec was about a week old. Mama looks pretty rough. ;)

Danielle

I miss somebody. Some days are harder than others.


Today is one of those days.


Danielle has been gone for almost 11 years, but we were friends for 10. Little things trigger a memory. Seeing a trophy will remind me of the time we were blitzed, play fighting, and rolled into some guy's (KJ, I think) book shelf, causing his assorted awards to bop us on the head. It really hurt, but we continued to laugh as the whole case fell upon us.


Nothing makes me remember her more than being in my parent's home. I remember how we used to walk around the lake, sometimes twice in a row. Man, that's like, 7 miles! We used to sing at the top of our lungs, laughing, gossiping... we never ran out of things to say.


I remember the time we jumped into the dam. It was after a particularly heavy rain, and the water was rushing. We would creep out a little, sit down, and let the current scoot us away. I, in my bravery (read stupidity), went out a little too far. The current was so fast I was pushed quickly towards a bunch of jagged, threatening rocks. I was scared, and turned to my belly to try to claw at the ground to save myself. Danielle had to rescue me, but my knees and hands were still a bloody mess.


When she moved in with us, we always had so much to discuss. We would wake up together, catch the bus, skip classes together, go home, get dressed, go out with boys, and always talk ourselves to sleep. We used to streak. We would strip, climb out my bedroom window, creep off the porch (so as not to awaken George, the family Sheepdog), run down the driveway to the street. We always imagined headlights, and would hightail it back; laughing, feeling exhilerated.


One morning after returning home (we had sneaked out) we decided that it would be a great idea to lay out on the roof. We grabbed our towels, climbed the ladder, and soaked up the rays. I don't know if it was her or me (probably me) that got paranoid about getting back down. One of us went to check on the ladder, decided it was too steep, and whadyaknow... we dropped it. We had to jump up and down over my brothers' room to wake them up. They had to have our neighbor come rescue us.



The man that took her away from us tries to appeal his case. Part of me wants to go to his parole hearings or appeals just to look him in the eye. I want him to know how much he hurt us all when he took her away. There is another part of me that just doesn't like to think about it. Just push it away to the far corners of my mind.


I don't know how a person can take a human life. I don't know why a stranger would strangle somebody. I don't think a loss like this is something you ever get over. I know I can't.


I knew Danielle for a third of my life. When she passed, I had known her for half. I miss her every day, as I'm sure her family and other friends do. I know that she lives on. She had such a BIG personality, that nobody could or would ever forget her.


LYLAS

I resolve

Every day I take steps toward being the kind of woman I'd like to become. I don't always succeed, sometimes I stumble, sometimes I lose my balance, but I try.

I don't like hypocrisy. I don't understand how others can be so judgemental when they too, fall short. People in glass houses and all that jazz. I try really hard to not be hypocritical, but I'm human.

I can't comprehend homophobia, misogyny, racism, elitism and hate. I can't stand the talking heads that preach it yet quote God in the same sentence. I don't claim to be religious, but I'm oh, so spiritual.

I believe our planet is on loan to us. We can never purchase, only rent. It is our duty to leave it the way it was or better. Nobody can do everything, but everybody can't do nothing.

I try to find Grace. It isn't easy. I have to fight my inner cynic and she's sarcastic, that one. My son has brought me closer. I don't want to fail him. I want to be the kind of mother he deserves. I want to be the kind of citizen our planet deserves. I want to find peace, even if I have to make it up as I go along.

I give myself permission to fail, but not to be a failure.

A little about me

I'm not new to writing, in fact, I've kept a journal since I was 10, but this is my first 'real' blog. I figured I'd introduce myself.

My name is Anna. I am married to my best friend of 16 years, Jeff. He rubbed my feet every single day that I was pregnant. He makes me laugh when I am ready to kill him. More importantly, he is an amazing father. He loves me not in spite of all my many flaws, but perhaps because of them. I could go on for days and days about how wonderful he is.

We have a son together, Alec Kensington. Alec will be 7 months old the day after tomorrow (January 6). He is the sweetest, smartest, cutest little boy I've ever had the privilege of birthing. He is perfection in a onesie. He is just about my entire world.

A little about me?


I like making lists.
My favorite color is pink.
If something is pretty or has a picture of a cocktail, I WANT!
I'm more of a cat person, but I still love dogs.
I like to stop and smell the roses.
I think recycling is a BIG DEAL.
Jelly beans and gummy bears rock!
I'd like to be organized enough so that my undergarments always match (ha ha, never going to happen)
I have a three tattoos.
I always close my eyes when I dance.
I cry often. I've cried every time I've watched Beauty and the Beast. Dance moves me to tears.
I'm a Libertarian. I'm spiritual, but not religious.
My friends would say I'm fun, funny, compassionate, intelligent, open-minded, and a loud mouth.

I've started this blog because I've always journaled. I think I started my first when I was 10-12, but it may have been earlier. I like to share. I don't think there is any particular direction this will go. In other words, I'm not creating a "family" blog, or a "specialty" blog. This is just for my random thoughts.

I hope you enjoy!