I need a distraction!

I feel really overwhelmed right now.

I have so much anger towards our government, and I don't know how to direct that energy. The corporate greed in America has turned our "democracy" into a fascist regime. Monsanto, Dupont, JP Morgan, Goodyear, Bath & Body Works, Gap, Halliburton, on and on and on... They own us lock, stock and barrel. They own the politicians. They make policy change, not us.

It's impossible to not be a consumer, unless you live in a commune, and even then you still need to buy. The thing I've found so difficult is who do I trust with my money? I mean, IKEA and Gap Inc. claim social responsibility, but they've both been guilty of using sweat shops and child labor. I hope that my recent purchase from Pacifica was a wise decision, but I don't really know for sure.

Who can we trust? Our president? Obviously I thought so, otherwise I wouldn't have voted for him, but I've recently come across information and it has most definitely changed my mind.

It seems like the real evil in this world are the Chemical/Petrol companies. They are destroying our earth and paying off the government for a "get out of jail free" card. They are making us fat, infertile and giving us cancer. They are trying to make organic food illegal. They threaten us and our pursuit of life, liberty and happiness.


Have you seen The Matrix? I'm sure you have. I feel like Neo. It's so hard being awake. It's hard to be aware. I'd rather go back to sleep, but I can't. I brought a child into this world, and I have to protect him and his future.

These are some of the things I'm doing, and I strongly encourage others to do as well.

• Buy American. It sounds so simple, but it's easier said then done. If you buy, say, Lucky Jeans, you're buying an American made product, but where was the denim sourced? Who grows the cotton? Is it organic? Is it sustainable? Do the workers that pick it make a living wage? Are there children working in factories to loom the fabric? What dyes are used? Are they harmful?
• Buy from consignment shops or the goodwill. It's basic reduce/reuse/recycle, focusing on the reuse part. If you are using something that someone else considers trash, you aren't making the corporations any more money.
• Reduce plastic consumption. I have entirely eliminated plastic water or soda bottles (actually, I've quit drinking all soda that isn't from a glass bottle, and I only have a max of one a day), and strongly restrict metal cans. Aluminum drinking cans and metal food cans are sprayed with an epoxy resin of BPA. BPA is a known endocrine disruptor.
  
• Buy organic. You really have to pick and choose. Organic is expensive. I try to buy produce that is on the dirty dozen list, organic dairy and meats (when I can. I can't always afford to, but Alec eats about 90% organic.), non-farmed fish, and non-GMO grains.
• Switch to paraben/phthalate/petrochemical/sulfate/triclosan/propylene glycol/mineral oil free goods. This is a list of some of the most dangerous chemicals in our foods and body products.
• Make your own goods whenever possible. This means cutting back on processed foods (full of bad crap), and cooking from scratch. I also make my own laundry detergent and cleaning supplies from simple ingredients (like salt, baking soda, lemon, vinegar, vodka, and yogurt-- really! Yogurt works great as a fabric softener.)
• Be creative. When I started investigating the crap in my deodorant I got really scared. I've switched to plain baking soda. It really works! I put about a half-teaspoon in the palm of my hand and add just enough water to create a paste. I apply it under my arms and it works like a charm. Baking soda can be caustic if used heavily, so I've found a great recipe to make it a little easier on the skin.***UPDATE*** I found that the simple baking soda was a little caustic to my skin so I switched to the aforementioned recipe. It works like a charm!
• Reduce your carbon footprint. Simple things like switching to fluorescent light bulbs and walking whenever possible. Make less trash. Compost. Here are some more ideas.

• Use water filters, both in your kitchen sink and in your shower. Did you know that chlorine is one of the leading causes of cancer? You absorb more chlorine while showering because the heat actually causes the gas to escape into the air.

Anyway, this list isn't by any means exhaustive, but putting all those links in there certainly was exhausting, heh heh (especially because I had to go through them twice because I put them in wrong the first time!)

I guess I'm so angry because I'm so scared. Now that our health insurance will be active (on Monday!!) I'm going to see a doctor. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know if I should just demand a mammogram or if I should just have the lump biopsied or both. I mean, obviously I should have a biopsy, but should I ask for a mammogram as well? The way the new regulations in health care are, they try to avoid paying for a mammogram until you're 50.
I took a risk assessment quiz to find out what my chances of developing breast cancer are, and apparently I have a "medium" risk of developing it. The quiz didn't address working around chemicals (hello? Pharmacy for 10 years), environmental toxins (my addiction to beauty products) or all the x-rays and CAT scans I had in 2007 (because of my kidney stones and then knee surgery.)

I know I shouldn't be worried until I have a reason to be, but this "wait and see" thing is driving me insane. I have to DO something. That's probably the motivation behind my switch to all things granola, although I know myself well enough to know that this isn't a "phase".

I know this blog has been all over the place, but honestly, my anger and fear have really reduced my mental clarity. I just want this to all be over. I want my family to move to Tacoma, WA and start over fresh. I want my husband and son to be happy and healthy. I want a better world.

Today was a great day

I haven't stressed out over my boobs once, ha ha.

Spent the day in the city. Explored a great new line of natural fragrances. www.PacificaPerfume.com has fantastic scents, and with me being a product junkie, you just know I'm going to insist that all of my products be cute. I know I'm going green and all that, but I don't want to smell like a hippie.


Alec had a blast at Richard's Variety store on Virgina and Monroe. Rode on an old-fashioned horsey ride and Thomas the Train. Picked him up a new ball, Rubber Ducky and a top. He loves his toys.

Right now I'm trying to relax. I'm drinking wine, and dinner is in the oven. I made salmon, rice and salad, and the salmon is divine. I modify Alton Brown's "Broiled salmon with AB's spice pomade". It's to die for.

I quit smoking, and I'm doing great. My last cigarette was Saturday night, and I haven't even craved one. I also gave up soda, at least sodas that come out of aluminum cans or plastic bottles. Gotta watch out for that bpa.

Anyway. Today was a good day. I know I'll be able to get through the week.

Bitchy because I'm itchy

So, I don't know how many of you (how many actually read my blog? ha ha) know this, but I suffer from a condition called Chronic Idiopathic Angioedema. Or in plain English, "deep hives that return and we don't know why".

It started when I was 21 years old, and I had hives so severe that I actually fainted. All the fluid in my body was displaced and it made my blood pressure drop really low. They put me on drugs (that didn't work) and told me that stress was probably the trigger. Well, seeing as my best friend had just passed away, that was kind of a "duh" moment. Thanks guys. When they first started, they lasted for about 3 months straight. My fingers looked like little sausages, and they were swollen so badly that the skin would split open and bleed. Sexy, right?

After about 2-3 years of dealing with them constantly (and I do mean constantly. The least little thing seemed to trigger them, but then again, I was working for a boss that I hated {Tim at GNC} and in a shitty relationship, so stress was always a factor), things settled down a bit. They popped up when I registered for college and when we were under construction at work. They made their presence known when Jeff deployed. They come and go, but about every 1-2 years I get a bad case. Mine usually start out with having itchy wrists. It looks like little pin point pricks under the skin of my forearms down to my fingertips. I try to get it under control at this stage, because if I can, it tends to go away. If not, it progresses to painful swelling of my fingers and toes and hives on my trunk. Sometimes it gets so bad that I can't type or make a fist. They don't just stay in my hands/feet, either. I get hives in my earlobes, my lips- looks like I was punched, and my nose and tongue, they effect extremities and soft tissue the most.

My last "breakout" was in the Spring of 2008, right before Jeff and I were married. I was nervous (who doesn't get some form of cold feet?) and they lasted two long months. I was on steroids but that only helps so much. They go away when I take them but they come right back as soon as they're finished. My hives don't like being told what to do. I swear, I can hear them pouting and bitching like a 15 year old, full of angst adolescent.

Possibly I had hives during my pregnancy. I'm not really sure. In my third trimester I was already retaining water, so I couldn't tell you if it was "hives". I was itchy. My feet hurt. I had issues with protein in my urine. That could have been because of pre-eclampsia, or it could have been my hives (they do that, too- the protein in the urine thing) or my hives could have triggered the pre-e. Who knows? I was nervous then because, well, I was about to become a mother.


So, if my hives are triggered by stress (which seems very likely) what is causing them now? I don't want to alarm anyone, I don't want to alarm myself, but I found a lump in my right breast. I know I have to go to the doctor, but I'm just so scared. I don't usually handle fears and consequences by playing "ostrich", so this is surprising to me. I want to pretend like nothing is wrong whatsoever, and just be ok. This probably explains why if I found the lump several months ago, I'm only just now getting around to telling people and looking for comfort. I only told Jeff a couple of days ago.

Hopefully it's nothing. Hopefully it's just a fibroid. I'm sure it's just a fibroid. I'm not sick. I can't imagine . . . that's not true. I always imagine the worse case scenario. I don't know if I'm just a morbid freak, but I always see the potential disaster in everything. I try like crazy to be positive, but it's really hard.

I feel better typing this out. My chest is already feeling less tight. I'm still really itchy, but maybe today will be ok.

Just keep swimming.
-Dory