So, I don't know how many of you (how many actually read my blog? ha ha) know this, but I suffer from a condition called Chronic Idiopathic Angioedema. Or in plain English, "deep hives that return and we don't know why".
It started when I was 21 years old, and I had hives so severe that I actually fainted. All the fluid in my body was displaced and it made my blood pressure drop really low. They put me on drugs (that didn't work) and told me that stress was probably the trigger. Well, seeing as my best friend had just passed away, that was kind of a "duh" moment. Thanks guys. When they first started, they lasted for about 3 months straight. My fingers looked like little sausages, and they were swollen so badly that the skin would split open and bleed. Sexy, right?
After about 2-3 years of dealing with them constantly (and I do mean constantly. The least little thing seemed to trigger them, but then again, I was working for a boss that I hated {Tim at GNC} and in a shitty relationship, so stress was always a factor), things settled down a bit. They popped up when I registered for college and when we were under construction at work. They made their presence known when Jeff deployed. They come and go, but about every 1-2 years I get a bad case. Mine usually start out with having itchy wrists. It looks like little pin point pricks under the skin of my forearms down to my fingertips. I try to get it under control at this stage, because if I can, it tends to go away. If not, it progresses to painful swelling of my fingers and toes and hives on my trunk. Sometimes it gets so bad that I can't type or make a fist. They don't just stay in my hands/feet, either. I get hives in my earlobes, my lips- looks like I was punched, and my nose and tongue, they effect extremities and soft tissue the most.
My last "breakout" was in the Spring of 2008, right before Jeff and I were married. I was nervous (who doesn't get some form of cold feet?) and they lasted two long months. I was on steroids but that only helps so much. They go away when I take them but they come right back as soon as they're finished. My hives don't like being told what to do. I swear, I can hear them pouting and bitching like a 15 year old, full of angst adolescent.
Possibly I had hives during my pregnancy. I'm not really sure. In my third trimester I was already retaining water, so I couldn't tell you if it was "hives". I was itchy. My feet hurt. I had issues with protein in my urine. That could have been because of pre-eclampsia, or it could have been my hives (they do that, too- the protein in the urine thing) or my hives could have triggered the pre-e. Who knows? I was nervous then because, well, I was about to become a mother.
So, if my hives are triggered by stress (which seems very likely) what is causing them now? I don't want to alarm anyone, I don't want to alarm myself, but I found a lump in my right breast. I know I have to go to the doctor, but I'm just so scared. I don't usually handle fears and consequences by playing "ostrich", so this is surprising to me. I want to pretend like nothing is wrong whatsoever, and just be ok. This probably explains why if I found the lump several months ago, I'm only just now getting around to telling people and looking for comfort. I only told Jeff a couple of days ago.
Hopefully it's nothing. Hopefully it's just a fibroid. I'm sure it's just a fibroid. I'm not sick. I can't imagine . . . that's not true. I always imagine the worse case scenario. I don't know if I'm just a morbid freak, but I always see the potential disaster in everything. I try like crazy to be positive, but it's really hard.
I feel better typing this out. My chest is already feeling less tight. I'm still really itchy, but maybe today will be ok.
Just keep swimming.
-Dory
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